5 Gaslighting Phrases People Casually Use To Manipulate You

Editor’s Note: This article by Darshak Rana was originally published on April 25 at https://betterhumans.pub/5-gaslighting-phrases-people-casually-use-to-manipulate-you-30da5c62048b

What comes to your mind when you think of the word “gaslighting?”

Probably an age of a character from a movie or TV show, like Patrick Bateman in American Psycho or Norma Bates in Psycho.

While gaslighting is often portrayed in entertainment, it’s not always so easy to spot in real life.

In fact, people can be quite good at gaslighting others without them even realizing it. And sometimes, they do it on purpose because they enjoy having control over others.

If you’re not familiar with the term, gaslighting is when someone makes you question your sanity by manipulating your thoughts and emotions.

A gaslighter might say/do things to make you feel worthless. Or they might lie to you outright and then deny that they ever said anything, making you doubt your memory.

In short, gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse, and it can be incredibly damaging to the victim’s mental health.

If you’re in a relationship with someone who gaslights you, it’s important to get out of it as soon as possible.

But what if you’re not in a romantic relationship with the gaslighter? What if they’re a friend, family member, or co-worker?

In these cases, it can be more difficult to spot the gaslighting and decide how to deal with it.

From my personal experience, I highlight five commonly used gaslighting phrases and how to respond to them:

1. “You’re overreacting.”

I’ll never forget the first time my roommate gaslighted me.

We were arguing about following house rules, and in the heat of the moment, he said, “You’re overreacting.” I was taken aback!

I didn’t think I was overreacting; in fact, I was being perfectly rational by defining boundaries.

But his words planted a seed of doubt in my mind — Maybe I was overreacting. Maybe I was making a big deal out of nothing.

That doubt began to grow and take root until it became a full-blown belief.

He would say, “You’re overreacting,” and I would believe him every time we argued. He would easily get out of the situation while I second-guessed myself all the time — Did I need to be so upset about that? Was I just being oversensitive?

For a long time, I let him control me with his words. But through a University counselor, I learned that I wasn’t overreacting. I was simply addressing the situation at hand. After that realization, I could stand up for myself and set boundaries. Clearly.

If someone constantly tells you that you’re overreacting, it’s a gaslighting tactic. They’re trying to make you doubt your beliefs and thought processes.

Here’s what could change the situation:

• “I’m not overreacting; I’m simply addressing the situation at hand.”
• “Just because you don’t think my beliefs are valid doesn’t make them any less real.”
• “It’s not my job to convince you of how I feel; that’s something you need to work out on your own.”
• “I won’t second-guess myself because of your opinion. I know what I’m feeling, and I’m going to trust my gut.”

If you find yourself in a constant state of doubt and questioning your own experiences, it might be time to take a step back and reassess the situation.

A healthy relationship should be built on trust, respect, and communication.

If you don’t feel like you have that, it might be time to walk away because you can’t win against a gaslighter.

2. “You’re too sensitive.”

I grew up thinking that there was something wrong with me.

I was always the “too sensitive” one who would get emotional and cry it out. That’s what everyone around told me, anyway.

So I learned to stuff down my emotions and bottle everything inside until I exploded.

But it didn’t make me feel better. In fact, it made me feel even worse. I was depressed all the time and had no idea why.

It wasn’t until recently that I realized nothing wrong with me. I wasn’t too sensitive; I was just a normal person with human emotions. And the people who had been telling me I was too sensitive? They were the ones with the problem, not me.

If someone tells you that you’re too sensitive, don’t let them make you feel like there’s something wrong with you. There isn’t. You’re just a normal person with normal emotions.

Here’s what could change the situation:

• “I’m not too sensitive; I’m just normal.”
• “There’s nothing wrong with being sensitive.”
• “I’m not going to apologize for having feelings.”
• “I’m allowed to feel however I want to feel.”

3. “You’re imagining things.”

Have you ever been in a situation where you knew something was off, but you couldn’t quite put your finger on it?

Maybe you suspected that your partner was cheating on you or that your friend was talking about you behind your back. But when you asked them about it, they denied it and told you that you were just being paranoid.

Or maybe you did catch them in a lie, but they gaslighted you by telling you that you must have misunderstood what they said.

It’s easy to second-guess yourself when you’re being gaslighted with this phrase. You might start to wonder if you’re going crazy. But you’re not. The gaslighter is trying to manipulate you into doubting your instincts and perceptions.

If someone tells you that you imagine things, stand your ground. Give them a chance to explain.

Here’s what could change the situation:

• “I know what I saw/heard, and I expect you to tell me the truth.”
• “I’m not imagining things; I’m just seeing/hearing what’s there.”
• “Why are you trying to gaslight me?”
• “I’m not paranoid; I’m just being observant.”
• “I’m not crazy; I’m just seeing/hearing what’s actually happening.”

4. “I never said that.”

This is a common gaslighting tactic: deny…deny…deny.

The gaslighter will say or do something hurtful, and then when you confront them about it, they’ll deny ever saying or doing it. They’ll make you doubt your memory and perception.

My boss once sanctioned my leave, and when I asked him about it later, he denied it. I was so confused and hurt. I didn’t know what to believe.

But eventually, I realized that it didn’t matter what he said; what mattered was I remembered.

And I knew that he had sanctioned my leave. So I went to HR and filed a complaint.

If someone denies ever saying or doing something, don’t let them gaslight you into doubting your memory. Stick to your guns and stand up for yourself.

Here’s what could change the situation:

• “I know what I heard/saw, and I’m not going to doubt my memory.”
• “You might not remember saying/doing that, but I do, and it hurt me.”
• “I don’t know why you’re denying it, but I know what happened, and I’m not letting you gaslight me.”

5. “It’s not a big deal.”

Belittling your life experiences is another gaslighting tactic people casually use.

They’ll make you feel like your feelings are invalid and that you’re overthinking.

One time, I was venting to my friends about how stressed I was when I lost my passport during travel, and one of them said, “It’s not a big deal.” I was so hurt. How could he say that? My stress was very real to me.

But I realized that he didn’t understand what I was going through, and that’s why he was trying to downplay my experiences.

It’s not helpful when someone tries to ignore your mental stress. If you’re feeling something, it’s a big deal to you. And you have a right to your feelings.

Here’s what could change the situation:

• “It is a big deal to me, and I need you to respect my feelings.”
• “I know you might not think it’s a big deal, but it is to me, and I need your support.”
• “ Just because you don’t think my feelings are valid doesn’t make them any less real.”
• “I’m not going to ignore my mental health just because you don’t think they’re a big deal.”

A Tiny Reminder

Casual gaslighting can be difficult to spot, especially if you don’t know what to look for.

But we must be all aware of the signs and how to respond to protect ourselves from this type of mental abuse.

If you’re dealing with a gaslighter, know that you are not alone.

And remember, you have options. You can confront the person, end the relationship, or seek professional help.

No one deserves to be treated badly.

Let me know in the comments below how you coped with a casual gaslighter and what methods worked best for you.

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