My name is Ms. Emma Denice and I’m going to talk to you about being in abusive relationships. I will tell you my story.
I have a disability and I have had it for many years. The person who raped me, his name was Otis. And he was a homeless man, and we took him in, and then after he did what he did to me, it was all over. After he had raped me it was so hard to get over it because you will never get over it, and you will never forget. It will always be in the back of your head. But you will be ok, after you talk to someone that understands you and they care for you. I went to a counseling session with someone who understands what I was going through. I was in so much in pain that I didn’t know what else to do or where to go. She helped me a whole lot and it helped me over and over again.
When I was 17 years old there was a man who knew better and saw a young woman who had a disability and had took her for what he wanted. I was in a relationship for a long time that wasn’t really good for me but I stayed in it because I thought that I needed a man to make me whole. This relationship was not a good one because having a disability means that you can be used for anything and people will walk all over you, and that’s not good. Anyway I need someone to do everything for me because I can’t do anything for myself. I was in many relationships and they didn’t work out because they would leave me by myself and they knew that I needed help, like to go to the bathroom and to eat and other things, but all they wanted was one thing and that was sex. Once they got that they were gone. So I know how men think. They just feel like if they can get a good woman and they don’t care about anything else at that time but getting whatever they want and that’s all.
For me it’s more involved because of my disability. When I was living by myself and I had my own place I thought that it was all good, but it wasn’t. I had this one guy that was really nice, but I didn’t know that he was really crazy and he did some crazy things, like not cook , clean or wash clothes or do the dishes. I need people to do these things for me. And if they can’t do that then they can just keep on walking, because if they can’t take care of what I need , then to do what I need them to do so they can get what they want from me then they can do it all over again. And this other relationship that I had was my high school sweetheart and I loved him, but he did me wrong too because he would always say things and didn’t mean it, same old thing, “baby you know I love you, I will never leave you alone,” that stuff. I didn’t learn the first time, I had to do it again.
I still had my own place on 84th Avenue in East Oakland. I lived there for a decade. Everybody knew me as the neighborhood auntie. So when I needed something all I needed to do was to call someone and they would go get what I needed. But they couldn’t help me in my relationship because they didn’t know what was going on behind closed doors. But I have this friend who looks out for me and his name is Doc. We have been friends for over 30 years now and he has been there for me through good times and bad times. Mike was his name. And we would fight and fight for a long time until he got a visit from Doc. Doc told him [Mike] that he had to be gone by 24 hours or else. He wouldn’t need his wheelchair. But he will be back in Chicago by the next day and I will never see him again.
And then I have been kidnapped by another person who said the same thing to me. Do you think I have learned my lesson? I said not really. But I had to go through it over and over and over, think again until I got tired of being treated like that and I put a stop to it when I had a man who was just like, he had to tell me what to do. I said oh no, not today. He said what did you say to me? I said it again. He said do you know who you are talking to? I said yes, I am taking to you, so he got mad and started to fight me, he was just saying things like calling me names and stuff like that. I said you have got to go. I was tired of being abused by men and I got tired of being a doormat for a man. And so he got upset because I told him that I wasn’t going to take it anymore, and so he wouldn’t leave me alone and so I called the police and told them that I had a person that wouldn’t leave me alone. And then they came out to take my statement that he was giving me a hard time and that he had sexually abused me in more than one way. That’s why I am not in a relationship today because they don’t know how to treat a woman who has a serious disability and they don’t want anything serious. I think as a woman with a disability I can do a lot better than what I was doing. The first time.
And I want to tell you that you don’t have to take it off of any man. If you think that they are going to abuse you, you should get help right away. Or you can get someone to talk to as you can. So don’t forget that you can do anything you want to do, because it’s not easy for me because I have a disability and I’m a colored woman and I’m trying to be a help to someone else who has a disability. I hope this helps you understand more about people who have a disability.
I am living in this life when you have a disability in this world. For me it’s not easy living from day to day knowing that he’s still alive, but I’m not in Chicago. I know if he did it to me he will do it to someone else and I don’t care how old he is, as far as I’m concerned he can go somewhere and die as far as I’m sure that I am not afraid anymore, but he wouldn’t want to be in jail for raping me and I have lived with it for many years. And I’m not afraid anymore because I know that he can’t get to me, but I will keep that in the back of my mind because I don’t want to be in that position anymore because it’s not worth it or good for anybody, especially if they have a disability that’s not right. But people do what they do no matter what. I believe that it’s hard to forget about it. I don’t think it’s wrong to talk to someone about it because the memories are so important to forget and you can’t because they are so stuck in your mind until you don’t want to be in a relationship. But if you want to do something else then you can just do it.
I am living my life without fear now, I am in a day program that I love, and other people who are like myself. And I am enjoying my life.
