In her book, Dismazed and Driven: My Look at Family Homelessness in America, Diane Nilan, who hit the road in 2005 to chronicle stories of invisible families and youth experiencing homelessness in non-urban areas across America, shares her stories and videos. For fifteen years, crisscrossing the country in her small van, she filmed scores of interviews of parents and kids. The excerpts below are from one of these interviews. Her book will be available soon. — The Editors
One woman I had the honor of meeting just days before she died was “Alicia,” a mother of 3 young children. They had stayed at the Hope Haven shelter in DeKalb, IL run by a longtime friend of mine, Lesly Wicks. She asked if I’d film an interview with Alicia so her children would have a memory. Yikes! Of course, yes, but the scope of this interview was far from what I imagined doing.
I connected with my friend Gary, the shelter manager. We went in and he introduced me to Alicia, “Derrick,” a friend of hers from the shelter, and her kids, ages 10, 6, and 3. The guys took the kids somewhere so we could have privacy.
Alicia sat on the couch, hooked up to oxygen. I tried to explain as gently as possible what I thought we should do, not having any clue how this was supposed to be done. I knew I needed to hold it together until I got out of her apartment.
This determined mother had used her short time at the shelter to put the pieces back together after personal crises. She earned her GED, became certified as a nursing assistant, and got a job. Bingo! They moved out, all looking good. About two months before I met her, Alicia called Lesly and said she was having trouble breathing. Lesly urged her to call the doctor and offered whatever support she could give.
Alicia’s life swirled out of control. The doctor visit, heart surgery, discovery of inoperative cancer brought changes she never expected. Was this trauma related? I can only suspect yes. The impact on her already-traumatized children agonized Alicia and all who knew and loved them. Alicia’s sister lived in town and was willing to take the children.
Alicia struggled to talk, especially when speaking about her children. The entire interview lasted less than 10 minutes.
When Gary, Derrick and the kids came back, I left. It was a beautiful day for a drive in the country. I hadn’t selected a route so I just headed in a general direction, north and west. I was numb. Alicia and her kids’ faces stuck in my mind. This interview took a toll on me. Life took a toll on Alicia. And her family. She died about a week later.
Diane Nilan is President of HEAR US Inc.,an organization that gives voice to families and youth experiencing homelessness. Nilan has devoted her life to advocating for and presenting the real face of homelessness in America, focussing on families and children. She has more than three decades of experience running shelters; advocating for improved state and federal policies; filming/producing award-winning documentaries. Her latest work is the book, Dismazed and Driven: My Look at Family Homelessness in America and The Three Melissas.
