Families are zapped by utility bills: Homelessness lurks around the corner.
Not a week goes by that I don’t hear from at least one of the 3 Melissas, the stalwart women — mothers, and two of the 3 are grandmas — who shared their eye-opening stories of motherhood-survival in the book The Three Melissas — The Practical Guide to Surviving Family Homelessness.
Sometimes they share a friendly message, but more often than not it’s a plea for help — a crisis that needs understanding, and often financial support.
These three moms, whom I met over the past 20 years as I chronicled family homelessness across the U.S., are no wusses. They’re strong, outspoken, and ingenious. And impoverished, but not homeless…at the moment. For their invaluable contributions to this unique book that offers “trade secrets” to and for parents going through the same invisible plight of family homelessness, my co-author Diana Bowman and I decided that proceeds* from sales of this little blue book would go to these three moms, not us.
To no surprise, the crises de jour centers on utility bills — shut-off notices that will, if unaddressed, lead to a loss of an address, aka homelessness. They’ve all adamantly professed that returning to homelessness is NOT AN OPTION!
Ask any head of household in an economically-vulnerable household about expenses and you’ll probably get an earful about skyrocketing utility bills, followed by cost of housing, food, medical care, and so on. Those who have the least get hit the hardest.
Single parenthood family is the gateway to poverty
If it’s a single-parent household, it’s probably headed by a mom. Although most single moms work, the income disparity is significant — poverty-level wages — especially for Black and Brown women. More than 28% of single mothers endure poverty as opposed to single fathers, 15%. This report covers the topic in detail. (If you feel the need to opine about single mothers making bad choices, save it. I’ll not be kind.)
But I want to make an additional point: While watching the movie, C’mon, C’mon, the other night, I shot straight up when I heard Joaquin Phoenix (Johnny in the movie) recite this:
What are we doing to mothers when we expect them to carry the burden of everything that is hardest to contemplate about our society and ourselves?
— Mothers: An Essay On Love and Cruelty by Jacqueline Rose
Yes! I shouted aloud. How can they possibly carry the burden of everything, especially when grappling with poverty, homelessness, mental and physical health issues, work, and kids?
Now, more than ever, the 3M’s challenges, and millions of single parents teetering on the edge of homelessness, are unimaginable and about to get horribly worse with the implementation of the Big Ugly Bill that Congressional Republicans hold up as the answer to what ails our country. The Institute for Policy Studies identified 10 Terrible Ways the GOP Budget Causes Harm. It doesn’t even include utilities.
The reality for families
What remains to be seen is if local groups can manage to scrape together resources to support those on the edge of, or in, homelessness, to fill in where the feds drop things. That’s no easy, or cheap, challenge. Most communities haven’t begun to identify families experiencing homelessness. Many create additional barriers or loopholes for families. While civic leaders don’t want to see moms and kids living in tents in parks and alleys, they often don’t grasp what families are going through or how to help. (An excellent book on this topic is There’s No Place for Us by Brian Goldstone.)
Which is why the quote from Jacqueline Rose’s book struck me so profoundly. What are we doing to mothers when we expect them to carry the burden of everything that is hardest to contemplate about our society and ourselves?
We expect so much from the moms who have the least wherewithal, and stomp on them when they can’t uphold the standards of their motherhood. And they get little to no help.
What most people and policymakers miss is the reality, as astute researchers have confirmed, that our failure to help the moms do the impossible results in what is a counterproductive consequence — their kids have much greater risk of becoming homeless adults.
To add fuel to that fire, our cruel, dysfunctional federal “administrators” have identified ways to make life worse for families and individuals in homeless situations: slash resources and programs that have been at least helping a smidge, and criminalize them. It remains to be seen if they’ll manage to enact all these atrocious cuts that will benefit the ultra-wealthy drooling over the corresponding tax-cuts that would come their way.
Gushing abject cruelty
One of the best op-ed pieces on this seldom-written about topic of family homelessness came the other day from Leila Atassi, of Cleveland.com and the Plain Dealer. She calls bullshit on “trickle-down” economics:
…lawmakers will say it’s because parents haven’t worked hard enough to provide their children with a stable life, ignoring that no amount of individual effort can overcome a system designed to fail. And we can count on our policymakers to tell us these cuts amount to fiscal responsibility, while they funnel the savings toward tax breaks for the wealthy.
“It’s trickle-down economics,” they will explain, leaning back in their studio chairs on FOX News, nodding along with the pundits and leaving unspoken what they know to be true — that the only thing trickling down is abject cruelty.
— Leila Atassi
For as smart as the CEOs of the utility companies think they are, I hate to break it to them. They are creating homelessness as fast as they can, as is the White House occupant and his sycophants. Who will pay the utility bills when households are ousted for failure to pay utilities? But, as my Mom often muttered, “They don’t shiv a git.”
For more stories about the struggles faced by single mothers, particularly those experiencing homelessness, and how societal and policy failures intensify their hardships, follow Fourth Wave. Have you got a story or poem that focuses on women or other targeted groups? Submit to the Wave!
*While my nonprofit, HEAR US Inc.., continues to provide modest stipends to the 3Ms, sales of the book have tanked, thanks to the upheaval of our federal government’s educational system. To get a copy (or more) of this insightful book, here’s ordering info.
Published in Fourth Wave
Written by Diane Nilan
Founder/pres. HEAR US Inc., gives voice & visibility to homeless families & youth, ran shelters, advocate, filmmaker, author, 20 yrs. on US backroads. hearus.us
Diane Nilan is President of HEAR US Inc.,an organization that gives voice to families and youth experiencing homelessness. Nilan has devoted her life to advocating for and presenting the real face of homelessness in America, focussing on families and children. She has more than three decades of experience running shelters; advocating for improved state and federal policies; filming/producing award-winning documentaries. Her latest work is the book, Dismazed and Driven: My Look at Family Homelessness in America and The Three Melissas.
